Thanksgiving Healing Touch Newsletter

Here is the link to my Thanksgiving Healing Touch newsletter. Thanks for looking....

https://docs.google.com/View?id=dcd9qd87_39hfcw83cq

I'll Meet You There...

I am the most powerful person in the universe.

Do you believe it? Or are you already rolling your eyes?

How about this? YOU are the most powerful person in the universe. How does that feel?

No, I'm not about to lead you in a round of affirmations designed to boost your self-esteem (although affirmations definitely rock and I reserve the right to use and share them at any time). I'm just in the kind of mood where it's fun to see how far my mind can bend, and if I can mess with your mind too, all the better.

So first I'll say that both statements are true. And then I'll add this: there is no such thing as true or false, or right and wrong. There's only what you or I, in our own private universes, allow there to be.

Don't bother protesting. It'll only slow things down. Just go with me here. If it makes you feel any better, know that I'm as uncomfortable with this as you are. And I won't laugh at your squirming if you won't laugh at mine.

Here's where my squirm begins: I've recently resolved that everything anyone says or thinks about me is "true" and everything I say or think about anyone else is "false." So when my son says "mom, you don't listen!," I have to believe him. When my boyfriend says "you expect me to feel like you feel" or "you always have a script that I have to follow," I get really pissy and angry and usually self-righteous, and then go Jeez! He's right. Because why would these people be in my universe if not to show me who I am? Defining who I am is the closest I can come to defining right and wrong, good or bad, true or false. And even when I arrive at some hard-won truth, it's only ever my truth. If you haven't noticed, we all have our own variations on what is right and wrong, good and bad, etc. and that kind of sucks, because I'm much more comfortable when everyone falls in line with MY way of thinking. Aren't you?

But this isn't about comfort. In my experience, seeking truth is rarely comfortable. Especially when I make my vastly superior judgments about others and then remember my stupid resolve. Now, goddammit, when I point the finger and say he needs to be more self-aware, or he needs to get in touch with his anger, I have to realize that my observations are only true about me. I need to be more self-aware. I need to get in touch with my anger.

You might wonder, why bother with such an annoying experiment? I'm not sure myself. I only know that I was upset the other afternoon, fuming that so and so shouldn't have done this or that, running through all the things that made this SOB such an SOB. But it wasn't making me feel any better. I reached for my journal and jotted a few things, inlcuding this quote from Rumi:

Out beyond right and wrong, there is a field. I'll meet you there.

I've always liked this, but only in a vague way. It's been like one of those drawings that are one thing when you look at the black space, but something else when you look at the white. I can see the old woman, but the guy next to me sees a young woman. Usually, if you stare long enough, whoa! you see it.

I needed help to see it, and it came the next morning, in a service I attended. The speaker threw out the same quote from Rumi (another whoa! moment for me). The point of meeting out there, he said, is that it is the place of forgiveness. Aw crap, I thought. Not the F word again. Have you ever been lost and end up circling the same spot, noticing the same landmark again and again? Well, forgiveness has been a big ol' rock in my path. It tends to block my view of the field, which is a place beyond duality, beyond the black and white, where we give up being right or wrong. Rumi's poem continues:

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about
language, ideas, even the phrase 'each other'
doesn't make any sense.

A lot of it doesn't make sense to me. At least it strikes a chord. I'd like to make it part of my universe, but at this point, I'm still doubting my powers. I like what India Arie says in this song:

Been trying to get down to the heart of the matter. But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter. But I think it's about forgiveness. Even if you don't love me anymore.

That last line hurts, I'll admit. It feels like a huge white flag. While I'm still on my feet, me here, in the right, you there, in the wrong, there's still some fight in me. Still a chance to win....what? Love? Approval? Yes! The point of being right is to feel worthy, lovable, deserving. Conversely, being wrong means I'm bad, unworthy, unlovable.

But...maybe it doesn't work that way. Maybe my right can be your wrong, and my truth can leave you cold and what you love, I hate, and oh, let's call the whole thing off! There's a nice little spot just over here, soft and green....